dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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