I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
