So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
