Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
