On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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