Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
