Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think your dad took our porno
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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