Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
