I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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