I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
