Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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