Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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