4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
