I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
