So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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