he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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