I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
