How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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