Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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