I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
