i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
