May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
