you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
no, he came in my armpit
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
