when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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