my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
