Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
