Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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