The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
