When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
