the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
