I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
