I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
