That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
