I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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