did you get engaged???
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
