And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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