i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
