I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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