I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
