She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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