alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
