i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
