We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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