The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it's like iHOP with fire
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just high enough for therapy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
