Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
