I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
