I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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