He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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