Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
