if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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