i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
