I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
