I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
