Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
