You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
