am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
