Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You're so nebulous sometimes
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
